the WHO WHAT WHEN 與誰何事何時何地

This is an edited version of my first ever written memoir which was previously published in February 2018. It was taken offline for a year due to legal threats from my ex-partner. However, I believe that the truth must be told and my story should not be silenced by anyone. This memoir is about my relationship with a Polish migrant, an interior designer and architect living in Hong Kong, who I had believed to be the love of my life. We had a deep and devoted relationship, despite the distance between us. I had invested so much time and effort into our relationship, and I believed that we were truly in tune with each other. However, in 2017, I learned that he had become addicted to drugs, which had changed him into a completely different person. I had tried to reconnect with him and make peace, but he had refused.

I understand that my story may be met with skepticism and criticism, with some saying it was just a fantasy or a catfish situation. But I can assure you that it was real and it was painful. I have learned that there are people in this world who use love as a weapon to hurt and manipulate others. It is a tragic reality and I hope that by sharing my story, others will be able to recognize the signs of manipulation and not fall victim to it themselves.

這是我的第一本回憶錄的編輯版本，該回憶錄曾於 2018 年 2 月出版。然而，我相信真相必須被講述，我的故事不應該被任何人壓制。這本回憶錄講述了我與一位居住在香港的室內設計建築師波蘭移民的關係。 我曾經相信他是我一生的摯愛。儘管我們之間距離遙遠，但我們有著深厚而忠誠的關係。我為我們的關係投入了很多時間和精力，我相信我們真的很合拍。然而2017年，我得知他染上了毒癮，這讓他變了一個人。我曾試圖與他重新建立聯繫並講和，但他拒絕了。

我知道我的故事可能會被懷疑和批評，有些人說這只是幻想或鯰魚的情況。但我可以向你保證，這是真實的，而且很痛苦。我了解到，這個世界上有人用愛作為武器來傷害和操縱他人。這是一個悲慘的現實，我希望透過分享我的故事，其他人能夠認識到操縱的跡象，而不是自己成為受害者。

This is a whole nine-yard of how this person span a 40 months long confidence game on me, without accounting this last 24 months of suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. This is a story of these few chapters — the GOOD, the BAD, the EVIL (it didn’t stop at the evil,) and drum roll please, it has a life- long cliff-hanger finale (you have to keep reading,) followed by the AFTERMATH (a blog for updates.)

It is with a heavy heart that I share this true story of my relationship with a person I will now refer to as “Con,” a con artist who not only took advantage of my trust, but also manipulated and abused me mentally, emotionally and financially. I still vividly remember every moment, from the first time we met to the torturous end of our relationship. AND YES, it’s absofu¢kinglutely a true story that had happened to me, I can swear on my entire family’s lives and mine to guarantee the truthfulness of this memoir.

Those 40 months were an illusion of romance, filled with mental abuse, yo-yo manipulation, and the loss of my life-saving money. Con, a conscienceless Polish migrant with a large sexual appetite, became addicted to drugs such as GHB, Crystal Meth, Viagra, and Ecstasy, and it only took six months(Nov 2014 – May 2015) for him to transform from a fluffy, lovable, and charming person to a soulless, gory, chameleon-like being. He became a chest-pounding, slimy, narcissistic Rice-Queen bully who always had to win in conversations, a sodomy-obsessed serial adulterer who juggled 3-8 lovers and friends-with-benefit a.k.a. fu¢k-buddies to feed his sexual needs, an immoral compulsive liar who made up excessive and outrageous tall tales, an unethical sycophantic manipulator who used every person he met for his own benefit, and a vengeful opportunistic embezzler who stole money to maintain a lifestyle he couldn’t afford.

這是這個人如何對我進行長達 40 個月的信心遊戲的整整 9 碼，而不考慮過去 24 個月遭受創傷後壓力症候群的情況。這是一個關於這幾章的故事——好的、壞的、邪惡的（它並沒有止於邪惡），拜託，鼓點吧，它有一個令人終生懸念的結局（你必須繼續讀下去， ）然後是AFTERMATH（更新部落格）。

這真實故事關於這一個人與我關係，這一個人我將其稱為“騙子”，他是一個騙子，不僅利用了我的信任，而且在精神上、情感上和精神上操縱和虐待了我。我仍然清楚地記得從我們第一次見面到我們關係痛苦結束的每一刻。是的，這絕對是發生在我身上的真實故事，我可以以我和我全家人的生命發誓，保證這本回憶錄的真實性。

那40個月是浪漫的幻象，充滿了精神虐待、溜溜球操縱和我救命錢的損失。 Con是個沒有良心、性慾旺盛的波蘭移民，他對GHB、冰毒、威而鋼、搖頭丸等毒品上癮，只用了六個月（2014年11月-2015年5月）就從一個毛茸茸的、惹人憐愛的變身。他變成了一個搥胸頓足、黏糊糊的、自戀的米女王惡霸，總是在談話中獲勝，一個痴迷於雞奸的連環通姦者，他與3-8 個情人和有利益的朋友（又名“操哥們」）週旋以滿足他的性慾。一個不道德的強迫性說謊者，編造了過多和令人髮指的荒誕故事；一個不道德的阿諛奉承的操縱者，他利用他遇到的每一個人來謀取自己的利益；一個報復心強的機會主義貪污者，他偷錢來維持他無法負擔的生活方式。

Through my addiction to persistent patience, irresponsible and selfish devotion, compassionate credulity, immense insecurity and desperation, and beyond describable levels of naivety, I became an epic loser in this toxic relationship. And it is with a heavy heart that I must still live with the consequences of Con’s actions, including my HIV positive status, a constant reminder of the love of my life who also happened to be the most vicious and conniving human being I have ever met.

An epic loser is not an exaggeration. Even to this day, in 2020, I still think of myself as an epic loser. If I had the opportunity, I would use Con’s name throughout this story, a story so surreal it almost sounds like a fable-like horror fiction. But it is a cold, harsh reality check that I have to face every day at noon when I have to swallow two HIV pills. It reminds me of Con, the love of my life who is also the most vicious and conniving human being I have ever met. And YES, I was only one of the many victims he has taken advantage of. The emotional toll it has taken on me is indescribable, and I hope that by sharing my story, others will be more cautious and aware of the dangers of falling victim to a Con-Artist.

If he is reading this now, I bet you he has a grimacing smirk on his face. He would be upset about being exposed in such defenseless detail, I would like to hear how many more outrageous tall lies he can whip up to explain each incident or situation described throughout these 16,000+ words. At the same time, he wouldn’t be able to keep it to himself for being so proud. Chest pounding while he is pondering what he has accomplished — able to continuously torture, punish, succeed over me, who had to be locked beneath him to leverage the power of loaning money to him. His ego turned his heart away from me just because a narcissistic ego has to avenge when losing control and power. It turns into fuel to his anger. Do not forget about his audit of my networth and saved up cash, etc … Essentially, he had sucked me dry, so dry by using me from all aspects to the possible maximum except ending my life. Later on you will see how he then tossed me away like a carton of long-expired milk with a so disgusted face and hissing voice, fumed with rage, proclaiming never want to see or talk to me again, cursed me with extreme hatred and anger. Why? That’s a million-dollar question because the reason was none. It was all because the junky cycle of emotions, he was either high or coming down from drugs, along with lack of sleep and more importantly was to avoid any responsibilities such as loan-payments, explanation of his wrongdoing etc. And this is why he has burnt most of the bridges, collected uncountable personal and work enemies. His entire adult life is a series of misfortune, products of his immaturity, shadiness, selfishness and mishandling in all situations.

For those who would cough up credit for him putting up such a good show for this long, first, feather flocks together, you are probably a sociopath too. Second, if you are not blind or mentally-challenged that you would know the truth ALWAYS always prevails, sooner or later, then shame and karma will always come after the con-artists. It is actually not a very good deal if you weigh the pros against the cons… The purposes he sells you how many unfortunate events violated him, and how many people hate him are to mentally prepare you before more of debt collectors, crazy ex-lovers, online stories about him surfacing; to victimize himself.
Do me a favor and ask yourself, who do you know personally in your life time was a sole victim of so many misfortunes and bad events? Who would have a series of many “crazy-exes” one after another like he described that he was such innocent victim? And all these “crazy-exes” did not know each other before-head but united after to speak up against him? I honestly do not know anyone, I have spent my adult life in 4 metropolitan cities, in 2 continents, I have met so many people, he was the only person with this kind of rep sheet. The one and only thing of these stories and exes have in common is Con himself. Use your intelligence to take a wild guess what is wrong with his picture? Was he a victim? OR maybe just maybe, he was the source of all these things which happened to him? ASK YOURSELF HONESTLY! For a sociopath, when he is able to get your pitty, that’s a win for the first base. Therefore, DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR HIM! Well, obviously I do not practice what I preach, I ENDED UP BELIEVING EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME like what you are doing if he is speaking to you currently, the devil sold me all his stories and more, because I gave him pitty… That was the beginning of the end, he soon stole my romantic dream, my happiness, my health, my dignity and my self- love and my life saving.

The beginning of the Epitome of a Sociopath’s Atrocious Game …

Spring 2013, Con and I acquainted in the most predictable way — Grindr, which is a mobile app for gay men this era. For the past decade I have spent a lot of time in Hong Kong to visit a sick parent. Those trips usually lasted no more than two weeks before 2014 because I have built a life in New York City for almost twenty years. Out of boredom, I logged onto Grindr, just to ask around what’s happening in the gay scene in Hong Kong. As you may think “yeah right!? Give me a break! This is an app for quick sexual encounters!” Truthful to god, for weeks I have slept in a 35 inches wide military bed barely made 6 feet long squeezed into a 10 square-feet stuffy room between my parents’ bedrooms. I would imagine anyone in my shoes would want to find someway or somewhere for an escape somehow. On the other hand, I am not an egoist, and by soaking spending my 30s in this City of the World, New York, didn’t help boosting my ego at all. I have developed a complex of insecurity under racism, homophobia, etc. Meanwhile, through years of visits back to Asia, I actually turn many many heads, but just not here in America. According to others, my 6 foot tall above average built decent handsome face Chinese is considered quite good looking, I guess… but deep down, I am still not buying it. Being a gay Asian in New York is almost like a Kit-Kat cookie bar at a dessert buffet, you know it’s good, but it’s not a prime time dessert and there are always many leftovers on the table. Why? That will be a separate story to tell… I am a Chinese who was born and raised in Hong Kong, spent late teens and early 20s in Los Angeles, started working in San Francisco and now New York City. I have gained many good friends along the way, made a few mistakes, fell in love, heartbroken more than a few times. I had never met someone like Con who would torture so conniving to someone who had whole-hearted devoted to lend a hand when he most needed. Utmost premeditate ungrateful that he is as a human being cannot be overstated. Con had found me almost instantly as I was a fresh face on the app in the area. Con and I, we hit it off by expressing our struggles for being in a long-term relationship. I haven’t mentioned yet when I had been in a monogamous relationship for almost six years. As much as Con and I obviously had a mutual strong physical or should I say pictorial attraction to each other, I made sure to let him know I wasn’t planning on to cheat on my partner even though I was suffering a three-year sexless drought. Soon we jumped from messaging each other only on Grindr to Whatsapp SMS, until we knew it, we had become a growing part of each other’s life, as virtual pen pals, a few SMS turned into hundreds turned phone calls. I recall his “praise-description” of my frequent SMS interruptions to his work day as breath of fresh air. He used to love my long and over the top SMS, and attention. We enjoyed our common interests in working out, design, art architecture. Besides our skin color, we share an almost identical background story, we are both gay living far far away from motherland as a minority who have similar daily struggles. I WANT TO STATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS LISTEN. I do speak a lot but I do listen. Especially I was beyond being patient with him, I had spent hard work, money, money money and time on him. Later on his misfortune of losing in law suit against his partnered firm, he became or I should say he claimed he was depressed, tired, unhappy, I have been his virtual Dr. Phil for a 35 months, and at the end you will only see everything he used to love about me had turned into his complaints that I do not listen, I know it all, and I do not deserve the truth. And it would be his new material to victimize himself asking for pitty from others.

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